My A.D.D. Life: Top 10 Places You Lost Your Keys (*cough* and Mind)

4 Jun

It’s more than a blazing brain fart, people.  It’s the typical life of this A.D.D. woman:

Where the *&# are my #$*^ing keys????  ACTUAL events:

10. Oh.  In my hand.  I’ve been holding them the entire time.  FML.

BbiS Lost Keys9.  The cheese drawer in the refrigerator.  It happens people.  I don’t know how but it frickin’ happens.

8.  In my pocketbook where I had already looked.  Four times.

7.  Hanging on the key rack that I bought so that I wouldn’t lose the keys.  OH SO IRONIC.

6.  In the laundry room on top of the washing machine because you left them in there when you heard the washing machine stop and you already ran that same load.  Two times.  You.  Left the keys. There.

5.  In the bottom of the grocery bag that you just brought in from the supermarket.  Of course you find them AFTER the bags were folded and put away.  WTF???

4.  In the fruit bowl.  You will find the plum shriveled up in your pocketbook tomorrow.  (Ugh!)

3.  In DOM’s (Death of Me) book bag but you won’t find out until he gets off of the bus today (is that another cluster of grey hairs…?)

2.  After you empty the entire contents of the once full garbage can and now smell like one, you will find the keys under the kitchen chair.  Two feet away from the garbage can.

1.  In the car.  With the car running.

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Giving New Meaning to “Throwback Thursday”

30 May

Bbis Throwback Thursday

“Ok, summer… let’s do this…”

The next generation…  (Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree )

“Honey, have you seen the chocolate syr…? … Nevermind…omg”

30 May

Certain items from the refrigerator would go missing at times and this represents one of those items.  May I present to you evidence from “The case of the missing chocolate syrup”…

The Case of the Missing Syrup:  Evidence # 92

The Case of the Missing Syrup: Evidence # 92

Bbis Found the Chocolate Syrup

Because holding down a child is the best way to insert a pacifier…

30 May

Apparently sister knew best.  We all have our ways.  By the look on his face, no one was more surprised to find out how much of a “help” his big sister wanted to be.

Bbis The pacifier

The dishes can wait…

29 May

“You mean to tell me, that you can go to bed with dishes in the sink?!?”

YES.

Bbis Dishes in the sinkOh and don’t open up my laundry room door either because in preparation of you coming over I had some last minute picking up to do and the piles of random crap are located there.

You need a what?  A spoon?  Second drawer to the right.  However should you open the cabinets below you will find a nightmare of god-knows-what that I have not organized in a solid year.

Or three.

I’m not ashamed to say it.  I have been known to wash a load of laundry twice (sometimes 3x *gasp!) because I ran the load and forgot about it and while I was busy with life the mildew smells began and the detergent was added again.

So sue me.

My husband is well aware that he didn’t marry Betty Crocker or Molly Maid.

I love to learn that I am not the only one.  I have another friend who admitted to me over a river of margaritas that she cleans up for the cleaning lady.  I love her for sharing with me that gem.  I love going to a friends house and watching a child open up a closet in hopes of finding a toy only to have a pile of dirty laundry atop a vacuum cleaner, atop a basketball, winter boots, swim goggles, box of photos, skateboard, bowls reserved for parties hiding the crap thrown in there from last year.

I can NOT express to you how much it THRILLS me to see that.

This is the new age of parenting.  It is no longer the age of perfect houses with moms wearing aprons holding a duster while a four course meal is being prepared for the family.  The fifties are over, dear friends.

This is the age of spending time with others, cultivating friendships and when everyone goes home it will get picked up in due time (mostly) but in between soccer tournaments and transporting kids all over and countless other events I WILL hand my children a red dixie cup and plastic spoon for their cereal at times.  I WILL send my child to school with a wrinkled shirt because the iron will come out only for special occasions if my calendar is full.

The dishes can wait.  They aren’t going anywhere but the time is.  The kids are getting older.  The conversations that we have floating around in the pool or sprawled out on the floor far more valuable.  I’m not my mother’s mother, nor should I be.

For those of you who get it all done, I applaud you.  I am certainly not one of you.  For the rest, cheers!  Know you aren’t alone…

Starting Young :/

29 May

So here is my proof that my parents had the same humor as I.  Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

This is an uncovered gem from the late 70’s that shows my first beer and how ironic that thirty years later (*cough) I look strikingly similar when holding a beer bottle (minus the crazy teeth and white frilly socks).

Not sure what it is about little ones holding a beer bottle but this shot is one that is still giving me the giggles to this day…Bbis Starting Young

Insert Your Caption Here…

29 May

Bbis The Hug

Too many to choose from, pick and insert one yourself…

 

“Did your toddler drop the “F” bomb??” A.K.A. “Where’s the frog?

29 May

Yes.  Yes, you heard that correctly.  Ah, the little hidden perks of being a parent…  One of our best memories is of my first born and her favorite stuffed animal.  It all started innocently and as we encouraged it, the comedy and hilarity ensued.

As you may remember or have experienced, children have a love of stuffed animals.  In our case, the love was of a Leapfrog that became a favorite of our daughter for a small period of time.  This was in the late 90’s when cell phones weren’t as popular so it is definitely a moment that we regret that we never got on video but picture this:

An adorable 12-18 month old hobbling around the family room looking for her toy frog.  You ask her, “Where’s the frog?” and her little chubby arms lift up in wonder and she replies, with such clarity

“What the fuck?”

Our first response was the, “Did I just hear that correctly?” so of course, we have to ask again…”Where’s the frog?”

Again… (picture innocent face here)  “What the fuck?”

Grocery stores.  Out to dinner.  Family parties.  Any. Opportunity.

The realization of adult’s faces, watching people STOP and turn around with the biggest shit grins on their faces only reinforced our insatiable desire to ask where that frog was.  It made us, her parents, wish that she would never be able to enunciate the words properly but sadly, she is now fifteen and the frog is no longer needed for her to use the term.

If you have a small child, go out and do yourselves a favor and buy a frog.  It will bring you a lifetime of laughs and with the technology as great as it is, capture it on film.

You’re welcome.

What the fuck?

Bbis Wheres the frog?

Crazy Nuts… Never Underestimate The Woman You Cheated On

7 May

BbiS Crazy Nuts

The stories that we hear about… Scorned Women.

The Carrie Underwood’s of our time who are breaking headlights with baseball bats and slashing tires and seats (is that right?  I can’t say that I listen to country music but seem to recall one song that was on Pop radio)…

I was never one of them, but do I ever love to hear about the stories of those who had their revenge.  It makes for good reading in the a.m. with a hot Joe… cup of hot Joe… coffee.  (Although if you have a hot Joe in the a.m., go for that instead.)

Anyone out there had a chance at getting back on a cheating lover?  Let me refill my cup…

The Insane Things We Do When We Are Young Captured On Film. What Was I Thinking???

1 May

We’ve ALL done crazy shit when we were younger that we would not recommend nor would we do again.  We look back and ask, “WHY??” but there is never a good answer I have clearly captured one of my moments of insanity on film.

This is ranked “MILD” on my “Stupid Crazy Shit I Did” list but something I am seriously amazed at for doing it in the first place.

This involves:

  1. A 4 hour moped ride to the Blue Lagoon in Paphos, Cyprus
  2. a 4 hour moped ride in Cyprus in the middle of July and 105 degrees and wearing only a bikini top and no sunscreen
  3. a 4 hour moped ride ON UNPAVED ROADS
  4. a pit stop at a snake farm
  5. finding an area where if we touched anything it could EXPLODE AND KILL US
  6. getting OFF the moped to hold a snake at the snake farm
Before getting severely dehydrated and sunburned with my then bf, now hubby

Before getting severely dehydrated and sunburned with my then bf, now hubby.  It was the 90’s, we wore our shorts like that, give me a break ;p

First of all, I hate anything on two wheels unless it is firmly attached to a base.  The idea of doing this now…oh, anxiety.  It is my hope that should this cross the minds of my kids that they will be scared shitless out of their minds and decide against it.

It was my first trip to Cyprus with my then, boyfriend, and we decided to go see a beautiful area called the Blue Lagoon.  The problem is, there are only two ways to get there:  boat or moped.  Having more lint than money in my pockets years back, we chose the cheaper route that also wouldn’t involve motion sickness meds.  (Ha!  How wrong I was!)

There aren’t any paved roads.  My husband didn’t know how to ride a moped (sorry Honey, but you and I both know how terrifying that alone was).  It was hotter than Hell and we were in the middle of nowhere and yet in the middle of paradise at the same time.  Irony.

BbiS Cyprus Paphos Trip

BbiS Cyprus Bumpy Ride

On the way, we encountered a snake farm.

Worker at snake farm in the middle of nowhere, Cyprus

Worker at snake farm in the middle of nowhere, Cyprus

Snake Farms.  Marinate in that for a moment. 

Apparently they exist or existed in various areas of the world.  This farm was on the way to Paphos, Cyprus when my husband and his two friends decided to take a FOUR HOUR MOTORCYCLE MOPED RIDE to see the sites.  It wasn’t a planned stop but literally in the middle of this desert-like area was a huge pit where some of Cyprus’ most insane snakes were kept.

As a 19 year old and clearly out of my mind, I apparently thought it would be fun? interesting? an experience? to hold the snake long enough to capture the moment on film.  As I look closely, I can also see that I am smiling.

BbiS Stupid Snake

Huh.

Nearly 17 years later, the idea of being in the vicinity of a snake is enough for me to get a prescription for anxiety.  The only snake I will hold, caress or wrap around a body part would only be on my feet in the form of some really awesome snake skin stilettos.

This is a sign from the area not too far away from the snake farm.  I NEARLY SHIT MY PANTS.  More irony.

Danger.  This is a range area.  Do not proceed beyond this point when the red flags or lamps are displayed.  Do not touch any object found lying on the ground, IT MAY EXPLODE AND KILL YOU.

Danger. This is a range area. Do not proceed beyond this point when the red flags or lamps are displayed. Do not touch any object found lying on the ground, IT MAY EXPLODE AND KILL YOU.  (Fucking fantastic)

We finally arrived and you can see that it was beautiful and worth the trip despite being SEVERELY  dehydrated, SEVERELY sunburned and with a badly bruised ass from the bumpy ride.  Glad I went because that will sure as Hell not happen again!

BbiS Cyprus Paphos Rocky BbiS Cyprus Blue Lagoon BbiS Cyprus Blue Lagoon Paphos